I've been so busy and stressed lately that I haven't even thought about what I'm doing with the rest of my life. Like that whole thing I was freaking out about when I started this blog. I don't have time or energy to deal with that now. I am barely able to fit all of the normal stuff into my day. But I guess it's good that I'm busy. Because it's the moments when I'm not doing anything that I start having crazy, scary thoughts.
I feel like I'm in a sort of limbo state. I'm going through the motions and doing what I'm supposed to because that's what I do. But I would so much like to curl up in bed and cry and sleep and cry and sleep. But then I remember that my dad has to stay in bed. He can't leave his bed in the hospital at all, not even for a second, for the next two weeks. I've never known what it's like to not be able to leave my bed. And honestly, I've never thought about it before. But there are many many people who are bedridden. That would be so horrible, being trapped by your bed. I would hate that. I love sleep and relaxation and the comfort I get from my bed, but I would hate to be forced to stay in it.
I feel like I have so many thoughts and feelings but I'm not letting myself think or feel them because I'm afraid I'll get stuck. I'm afraid that if I think too hard I'll go crazy. This is so hard.
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