why i quit dancing

This came up during my piano post and I thought I'd elaborate a little more, because I think it's important. So, like I said, I was a ballerina from the age of 3 to the age of about 7 or 8. Then I'd had enough. And I can actually pinpoint it to the exact instant that I wanted to be done with the ballet world. I've never actually told anyone about this. I told everyone I wanted to quit because I was too busy with other things. That was a lie.
This incident must have occurred in my last year of ballet, so I was probably in first or second grade. We were doing some ballet warm-ups at the bar. I remember doing some sort of plié and my teacher was watching me. She complimented my plié and then she said, "Suck it in, Rosemary." And that was the first incident where I felt uncomfortable in my own body. That I had to suck in my stomach to look like a ballerina. Even though I did the steps right, I was wrong because my stomach stuck out too much.
I felt so icky about going to dance after that and at the time I didn't really understand why. And it's taken me more than ten years to actually comprehend what that single comment did to me. I didn't think I was fat, but clearly my teacher did. My teacher, someone in authority, told me that my body was not acceptable. I mean, now I recognize how brutal the dance world can be about body appearance. But I was only 7. I just danced because it was fun. I liked the movement and the rhythm and the music. I liked learning the steps and dancing in a show. But after that moment, I didn't like it anymore because I felt like I was not acceptable. I was not thin enough to be a dancer.
One of the greatest things about being at Cottey (hey, look, I'm able to find something positive in this college nonsense) has been being able to try dancing again. I took a dance class last semester. My first dance class since second grade. And I loved it. I wasn't the greatest at it, but I had so much fun. It was so great to be able to move that way again. And no one said anything about what my body looked like. I just learned the steps and added my own expression to them and it was wonderful. And I learned that I can be a dancer even though I don't look like society's expectations of a dancer. So that's been great.
But I will always wonder where I would be if my teacher never would have said what she said and I would have kept dancing after second grade. I mean, I probably would be in better shape for one thing. And I might even like the way I look more. But honestly, I can't place all the blame on my ballet teacher for my negative body image. Because if she wouldn't have said something, I would have heard it from someone else.
I just wish I could go back and tell my 7-year-old self that it doesn't matter what you look like. I could still dance and I could still be beautiful. I wish that I could have encouraged my 7-year-old self to prove my ballet teacher wrong. To prove that how much my stomach stuck out did not affect how well I danced. But I can't. And I will continue to fight against my ballet teacher's words for a long time. It's gotten less painful over time, but I still think about it on occasion and it has definitely affected my self-esteem.
But I'm working on believing that every body is beautiful. Even mine.