Last night I got back to my room after a day of classes at around 8:00 and then proceeded to spend three straight hours on the internet. Not doing anything really productive. I chatted with a few friends, watched some videos, tumblr-ed a lot, tweeted a bit. And then three hours had passed.
I don't like this. I don't like the way I felt at 11:00 when I realized just how much of my time was spent on the internet. My head felt like it had turned to mush. I felt guilty because I didn't get anything done. And throughout those three hours I didn't connect with anyone face-to-face.
One of the things I did during those three hours was watch this TEDTalk about technology and connection. About how we're always connected but always feel alone. I found myself agreeing with basically everything this woman said. I also felt disgusted with myself because I am guilty of everything she was talking about.
It is easier to communicate in text form. It's simple and you can edit yourself so the reader only sees the best of your thoughts. But humans aren't perfect. We're all a mixed up jumble of ideas and beliefs and misunderstandings. We forget and struggle to find convey meaning. We say things we don't mean. We ask stupid questions and give stupid answers. That's who we are. In the past week, there have been three separate instances where I forgot things that I had already said and repeated them to the same person. It was a little awkward and embarrassing. Especially because I've gotten so used to communicating online where I have a little more time to think through things before I say them. But I'm only human. It's okay to not be perfect. It's actually normal. I think we're eliminating this normal humanness by hiding behind a screen all the time.
I'm not saying that all technology is bad. I love the internet. I love that I get to talk to my friends who live far away from me just by typing on a screen. But I wish I could talk to them in person. Because that feels so much more real to me.
I feel like I missed out on three hours of life last night. And that scares me. Life is not infinite. Sitting in my room in front of a computer screen isn't really living.
So I've decided I need to do something about this. I need to cut back on the internet. It's not fulfilling me. It's not making me happy.
Yes, I do realize that it's ironic that I'm blogging about cutting back on the internet. But if it makes it better, I wrote all this down in my journal last night first. I'm just retyping it here because I want it on my blog. I am not abandoning the internet, I'm just going to spend a little more time away from it. That's all.
I'm going to read more and journal more. I'm going to have more face-to-face conversations and maybe even talk on the phone more (gasp!). I'm going to pray more and think more. I'm going to exercise more and sleep more.
Like I said before, I'm not going to completely cut the internet out of my life, but I think I need to seriously limit how much I use technology. And reevaluate how I use technology. Because while many pictures of baby animals are adorable, tumblr really isn't the best way I can spend my time. I'm not eliminating it (obviously), but I am going to cut back.
I feel like I'm at this point in my life where the world is completely open to me. I can choose to do whatever I want. And I don't think the internet is what I want my life to become.
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