no regrets

I finished up with schoolwork for the semester today, which means I'm done with school at this school. Which is super weird. When I got here in August of 2010, I never thought how I would feel when it was all over. I was so caught up in the feelings of a new location and a new phase. I didn't think about the ending. Which is natural. We don't like to think about endings, especially when things are first beginning.
But everything ends. Sometimes we're happy when things end and sometimes we're sad. And usually it's a mixture between them.
At this point, I'm feeling relieved and proud and sad and happy and anxious. That about sums it up. I'm relieved that I've made it to this point and that I don't have to do schoolwork for the near future. I'm proud that I made it through these past two years even though everything crazy happened. But I made it through and I kind of kicked butt. I'm sad to be leaving my friends and my room (because my room has been my favorite this year). I'm happy to leave a lot of things about this place. I'm happy I never have to deal with them anymore. Ever. And I'm super anxious because I don't know what's next. Life is big and crazy and scary and I don't know what I'm doing. But no one really does, so you just kind of fake it until you can figure it out. At least that's my plan.
There have been lots of things that happened in these last two years that have made me sort of bitter about the whole experience. About a month ago I was at the point where I hated almost everything about what this school has put me through. I was so frustrated and angry and I wished that I had never come here. While I'm still frustrated and a little angry, I can't change the decision I made two years ago. I left home and went to school in the middle of nowhere. These last two years have definitely had an impact on my life. I'm not the same person I was in 2010. And that's a good thing. That's an excellent thing. I like myself a whole lot more now. I like the person I'm becoming. I still have a quite a ways to go until I've fully become that person, but I'm getting there.
Basically at this point I can't believe that I'm leaving this place in four days and never coming back. I mean, that's crazy. Time is weird.
Anyway, through all of the madness, I don't regret coming here. I can't regret coming here. You couldn't pay me enough to come back for two more years, but I don't regret these past two years. Because I love my new friends more than I ever thought possible. I don't know where I would be without them. I love that I proved to myself that I don't need someone to take care of  me. I can be a responsible adult. Which isn't actually that surprising, but to 2010 Me it kind of is.
So here I am, up really late and worrying about the future. Just like old times. But unlike old times, I realize that no matter what decisions I take I can come out a stronger, happier person.