disneyland

Honestly, I don't really even like Disneyland in and of itself. I hate crowds, I hate heat, I hate waiting in line. And that's basically Disneyland in the summer (which is basically the only time I ever get to go there). But, at around this time every year, I get this super strong urge to go to Disneyland and spend like the rest of my life there. I convince myself that I need it. And maybe I do need it.
Why do I long for Disneyland even though I don't really like it? It's complicated. And not so complicated. I don't know if I can even adequately explain it in a blog post. But I'm going to try because I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
I grew up visiting my grandparents at least once a year and they live about an hour away from Disneyland. Practically from the first time my parents took my sister and me to Disneyland we were addicted. It was just so exciting and so magical. We would get up early early and ride in the car (for a looong time. An hour is a long time when you're 7). We would eat little baggies of cereal and drink juice and plan our whole day. And the anticipation would build and build and build. Honestly, I don't remember too many specific things about going to Disneyland when I was young. But I do remember those feelings. Those feelings of happiness and excitement and just how much my parents love and care about me. I didn't have to worry about anything. Just stand in line and have fun. Hearing the music of Main Street just felt like a wonderful new home. Now, as an adult (whoa that was weird writing that), I still want to feel happy and excited and loved and carefree. Disneyland provides all those wonderful feelings.
It has always felt like Disneyland was made for my sister and me. It was our special place. I have so many memories of just the two of us on rides. And all of the crazy things we would come up with to amuse ourselves while waiting in line. After listening to a family speaking in Spanish, we decided to make up our own language so everyone would think we were cool and foreign. But we couldn't actually understand each other, so that stopped haha. Then we would listen in to other people's conversations and add commentary to each other. And our dad would read jokes from Reader's Digest to us (he got a lot of Reader's Digest reading in those lines). And then there was the one time where we made up names for all of the people on The Haunted Mansion (I don't know if my sister knows that I participated in that wholeheartedly because I was really terrified and naming the people made it all seem less scary).
These little things seem so silly and unimportant now. But at the same time, they are my childhood. The smell of Pirates of the Caribbean. The Spanish at the end of Small World. The Grand Canyon. "This is the wildest ride in the wilderness!" Flying on Dumbo at night. My faces on Splash Mountain. Watching the fireworks from the line of Big Thunder. Wondering why some of the princes are nameless. Agreeing that the scariest ride is Snow White. Flying over London on Peter Pan. Being Australian on Tom Sawyer's Island. Epic running through New Orleans Square. Waiting a gazillion years for the Go-Coaster, the shortest ride in existence. Waiting a gazillion years for that ride that I don't even remember the name of that always broke down. Eating hamburgers with Pinocchio. Just thinking about all of these things makes me feel so wonderfully nostalgic and happy.
And the happiest part for me is seeing my sister just so ridiculously happy the whole time. Even when I'm too hot to do anything. And I'm crabby from all of the people standing too close to me. She's happy the whole time. Every second. It really is my sister's special happy place. And part of her happiness depends on me being there, too. To remind her of our childhood together. And I'm happy to be there for her.
As we've gotten older, we've created new memories at Disneyland while reliving the old ones. And these memories include the whole family. Like the giant laugh attack while waiting for Dumbo.
Disneyland means family. Disneyland means childhood. Disneyland is magic.
So here it is, that time of year when I just really want to go. But I don't have time (or money) to go this summer. And I would like to go when it's not so hot or crowded (so not in the summer). It's going to be hard not going this year. But we will go again soon. Because it's that important to us.
Hopefully one day, we'll bring our own children and husbands along with us. And it will be wonderful.