Showing posts with label fear of unknown. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear of unknown. Show all posts

Friday, March 16, 2012

uncertainty

I'm reaching this point in my life where I have to make some choices. I mean, life is always full of choices, but at this point the choices I make will probably significantly affect my life. (Side note, I'm having a really hard time typing the word choices.)
It's hard because I'm not 100% positive that I know what I'm doing with my life. I realize that I probably will never be completely sure that I know what I'm doing and I probably just need to pick something and work hard and it will all be fine. Or it won't. In which case I will just make some changes. Anyway, I rarely make decisions without thoroughly contemplating the outcome. I don't go into things unless I am sure (or at least fairly certain) I know the outcome. I hate the unknown, so I avoid it. Unfortunately, I can't really avoid it in this circumstance. And it scares the crap out of me.
So, should I do what makes the most sense financially and practically and will eventually lead to the result I want? Or should I do what sounds more interesting (and makes more sense emotionally) but costs a lot more? I'm in a battle with myself. My logical side is fighting with my emotional side. And I don't know what to do. I really want some magical solution to appear out of the sky. But I've heard that the world doesn't work that way.
It's so strange. I'm absolutely certain that I want to be an adult and I want to act like an adult and be treated like an adult. But I'm also terrified and would like very much to go back and be a child forever. I don't really want that either, though. I guess I don't really know what I want. Again, it's the whole fear of uncertainty.