self image 2013

I just spent the last while watching youtube videos of people talking about how they see themselves now, at the beginning of 2013. And I was inspired.

• I know what I want even though I say that I don't know what I want because I'm too afraid to actually try to get what I want. Because what if I don't get it? What if I fail? What if I'm wrong?
• I'm scared.
• This is starting out as one of the strangest years because for the first time in my life I'm not in school. Which also adds to the anxiety of everything.
• I want full-time employment because I need job experience and of course money, but I don't want full-time employment because it means that I'm a grown-up and I'm not sure that I'm ready to be. I don't think that sounds particularly fun.
• But at the same time it sounds like the most fun ever.
• Also, I really want to be able to move out of my parent's house.
• I want to sit and read all the time. I haven't felt this urge to read this bad since like 7th grade. So I'm hoping that I have the self-discipline to turn off the internet and read more. Like actual books. I'm excited about this because books have consistently been good to me.
• I want to be in better physical shape. I've spent the last 8 years hating myself and my body mostly because I didn't like how I felt (and also how I looked, let's be honest here). I want to feel healthy because I'm young and I have a lot of life left. So I'm working on exercising and eating healthier. It's hard but it will be worth it.
• I'm working on being kind to myself. I tend to overly criticize myself and that really doesn't get me anywhere. I am going to pat myself on the back more and congratulate myself for trying. I am a flawed human being (a redundant sentence since all humans are flawed but whatever) and I am going to try not to be so hard on myself for my short-comings.
• I am desperately trying to hang on to music even though it doesn't really fit in to my future career plans. But it makes me feel complete (ew cliche) so I'm clinging on for dear life, hoping that I can fit it in somehow.
• I whine too much and I'm trying to get in the habit of being grateful for every good thing. Because everything is a gift from God and he deserves my thanks.
• I think I'm starting to like surprises.
• This list is full of things I'm going to do, which is frustrating to me because I want to spend my life doing things and not just waiting to do them.