facebook

Sometimes I really hate facebook. I don't want to stay connected with all of these people that I used to know. But I feel like I'm obligated to. I feel like it's some strange form of cruelty to delete people. It just sounds so cold. Deleting people sounds like they no longer exist. That you want to obliterate them.

I've had no problems deleting people in the past. People who I was never close to. Those people I had a class with in ninth grade. People I added to my friends list because it was weird not to. So I said yes to the friend request and then later had no problems removing them and cutting off that contact. We were never really ever in contact, so it's not like it made a big difference.

But what about with the people I used to be friends with? Those people I shared my secrets with. Those people I cried to when life sucked and laughed with when life was fantastic. What about them? If it wasn't for facebook, these relationships would be over. We probably would never talk to each other again. We wouldn't know about each other's future experiences. We would probably think of each other from time to time, but maybe not. 

Is it wrong to click that unfriend button? Does that say "I'm giving up on us"? And, if it does, is that wrong? 

There are quite a few people on my friends list who I would like to remove. It's probably doing me more harm than good to know what they've been up to over the years. And yet, in some convoluted way, I still want to remain connected to them. I can't seem to bring myself to unfriend them because that truly means that those times in my life are over. We aren't friends anymore. And it's kind of sad to move on. But we really aren't friends anymore. So why am I so hesitant?

I wish that old friendships could just fade away without that constant reminder that this was a person you used to talk to and she's doing great things without you. I wish you could gradually grow apart from people. But with all of these online connections (not just facebook), friendships have changed so much. But that's a topic for another day.

I guess right now, I just can't decide if I should cut some people from my friends list. Those people that really aren't friends and haven't been for a long time. Unfriending them feels harsh and concrete and mean. But I think keeping a blaring reminder of them isn't exactly healthy either. I think it's time for me to move on. And if that's mean, oh well. It's my facebook. I can do what I want.

Or can I? Did I acquire some social responsibility that I can never shake the moment I signed up for facebook over five years ago? Am I obligated to keep my friends list growing? I think not. I hope not.

I'm thinking about this too much. I probably won't ever delete my facebook entirely because I use it for easy and consistent communication with friends all over the place. But this is the closest I've ever come to want to walk away from the whole thing. I want to say goodbye to quite a few people but I feel like I can't. And I don't know what to do.