dear

These are a collection of thoughts that I want to say to various people but I never will for various reasons. I don't know if it makes any sense. But I need to get this out or I will explode.

Dear ________,
Just once I want you to ask me how I'm doing and actually listen to my answer. You never ask. And when I offer subtle hints, you never listen. It's always about you. I love to care about you, but I need you to care about me too.
I wish you could recognize what it's like to be your friend. I wish you could see just how wonderfully frustrating you are. I don't have to be your friend. But I am because I love you. This isn't working for me, though. I'm getting nothing in return for how much I have given you. That's not how relationships (romantic or otherwise) work. So please need me as much as I need you.
I know your life is wonderful. I know that there are so many things that have happened in your life that I am no longer a part of. But the same is true for me. I have had many adventures since high school. Maybe they're not very prestigious. Maybe they don't matter to the rest of the world. But they matter to me. They have been some of the most important moments in my life. I wish you cared.
I do not regret the decision I made so long ago. I did not make a mistake. Sure, things are harder and more complicated than I thought they'd be, but that's life. Please just be happy for me. Please let me feel that I'm good enough.
Stop whining. Do something.
I can't be the strong one all the time. Sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I need to cry by myself. Sometimes I can't take care of everything all the time.
Sometimes I hate myself.
Thank you. Thank you for loving me. I wish you weren't so far away. Come back to me. Please. I need you.
I miss you. I don't want our friendship to be over. We really are just friends though. Even though I may have had a crush on you at some point. I'm over that now. I miss our long talks about everything. You understood me and you weren't afraid to call me out when I was ignorant. I needed that. I still need that. Text me.
Goodness gracious, just TELL people. At least your closest friends. Especially when you're involving multiple people in your decisions. You're just making things more awkward. For everyone. I'm tired of you being stuck in the past while expecting me to stay there with you. I've moved on. Move with me. Move with all of us. Things that happened in high school happened in high school. No one cares anymore. Move on. But please explain to everyone what's going on. Because I don't like lying for you. I'm still going to because I care about you, but stop taking me for granted.
You are so wrapped up in yourself that you can't see how you're destroying everyone around you. You're not being fair to the rest of us. There is no shame in getting help. Please recognize how hard this is for everyone else. You're not the only one dealing with this.
I admire you. But you're also so stupid. Stop with the stupid. It's not necessary. It's not helpful. Just stop. But I'll keep loving you anyway, even if you don't.
Thank you for listening. I just needed to be heard.
Love always,
Me